no. 71: things no one told me
an incomplete list of the “what the f*ck” moments of pregnancy, childbirth and early postpartum I wish someone had told me about.
My Old Ass: When a mushroom trip causes 18 year old Elliot to meet her 39 year old self (who is full of advice and warnings about what to do and not do) it kicks off a summer of self-reflection. I was caught off guard by how much I enjoyed this quirky, charming coming of age movie — particularly loved the emphasis on preparing to leave people and places you love, a real tear-jearker for the long distance daughters among us.
Dae Fairy Duster Dry Shampoo: I got a tiny sample of this dry shampoo from the Sephora sale this spring, and finally used it during a carry-on only weekend trip to Atlanta. While I usually stick to an aerosol dry shampoo (I know, I know) I’m delighted to report this extended my usual 2.5 day wash schedule to 4 days and added some excellent volume and texture.
Nounós Greek Yogurt: Picked up this new-to-me greek yogurt in the coconut mango flavor from our local co-op and it’s quickly become a go-to little treat – surprisingly high in protein, sweet but not too sweet, and amazing texture.
Today’s post talks in pretty significant detail about pregnancy, preparing to, and welcoming a new child. If that’s not for you today, I’d recommend skipping this one!
If you are anything like me, the minute the powers that be (okay, the algorithms) realized that you were pregnant, you were inundated with tips, tricks and recommendations for every single step of the journey. From eight million things to add to your hospital bag to more items that could ever be used as “must haves” for a registry, there is a never ending stream of things people want to tell you (and, let’s be honest – sell you). However, I have found that most of these things are fairly predictable – most lists and round ups cover the same basic advice and tired platitudes.
You think you’re tired now, just wait until the baby is born! Sleep when the baby sleeps! Don’t forget to bounce back! 9 Months in, 9 Months out!
Prompted by my own reflections around Mother’s Day and a few conversations with close friends, today I’m sharing a running list of things I encountered during pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum that made me sit up and say “... sorry, what the f*ck?!?”. These are the things I experienced in semi-detached shock and then wondered why not a single one of the mothers in my life had bothered to mention this thing to me in any of the “what to expect when you’re expecting” conversations.
This is a draft that has been more than three years in the making – For the majority of that time, it lived as a list of half-formed thoughts in my notes app that I would add to at one in the morning or after a meltdown in the grocery store. I was surprised by just how emotional (and healing!) the process of transforming those notes into this post was for me. Many of the experiences of pregnancy, childbirth and immediate postpartum are so visceral and intimate that it’s evident to me why these things don’t often come up in casual conversation with an expectant mother – we don’t want to overshare, or traumatize or, more likely than not, are still processing our own experiences.
Reading through the final list and reflecting on my own experience I feel both empowered and exposed – Some of them are kind of obvious in retrospect, some are just practical, and some are a little silly. But my hope is that if you or someone you love are embarking on a pregnancy and parenting journey, I hope at least one of them will help you feel informed, equipped, and more prepared than I was!
xo,
things no one told me about… pregnancy:
Cute nicknames for symptoms are deceptive: “morning sickness” and "indigestion" are kind of a deceptive way to describe constant, almost debilitating nausea and heartburn so bad I had to sleep sitting at a 45 degree angle for 3 months, but go off I guess!
Waiting to tell anyone until the end of the first trimester is outdated and isolating. This is just a personal opinion but I found my first trimester incredibly challenging, and it made a world of difference that I told my two closest friends a few weeks after the positive test, and family and other close friends after my 8 week appointment and first ultrasound. I knew that heaven forbid something happen, I didn’t want to have to experience that alone and having them know I was pregnant first would make that easier.
Healthcare for trying to conceive and during pregnancy is somehow too much and not enough: I found myself disappointed that the appointments I waited for each month were so short and cursory – many symptoms that caused me significant discomfort were just “how things are” and since I wasn’t incapacitated weren’t considered severe enough to warrant intervention. Many initial tests were inconclusive or required additional testing which resulted in a ton of stress only for me to later find there was never any concern. It’s absolutely an exercise in patience (and not googling things) until you’re able to get clearer answers.
example: a false positive on the one hour glucose tolerance test for gestational diabetes is six times more likely than a true positive . I “failed” my one hour test and had to take the three hour fasted test a few weeks later, an experience that caused me to absolutely spiral about my health, the health of the baby, and every single food choice I made until we were able to confirm I didn’t have gestational diabetes.